Dance, monkey: Margaret Cho
We put a visiting comic on the hot seat
By SARA FAITH ALTERMAN
April 2, 2008 10:54:39 AM

Simon Cowell recently turned down the opportunity to be the spokesman for Viagra. Who should Viagra court as an alternative spokesman?
John McCain. Better that than president.

It’s been reported that archæologists have discovered evidence that the early Egyptians worshipped donkeys. Do donkeys deserve such reverence? I mean, come on.
I am not sure about donkeys, but definitely asses. Doesn’t everyone love a nice ass? I certainly do.

What’s on top of your toilet tank right now?
The Prayers for Children book I used when I was a Sunday-school teacher. Yes, I actually taught the Bible to children! I am so multi-faceted.

I just read an article about you, which you discussed on your blog, where you are referred to as “chubby,” and I just want to go ahead and say a big public “fuck you” to the moron who wrote that. Seriously, fuck that guy. For question four, I’d like you to express your feelings about that article in haiku form.
“I, me, called myself/Chubby, not some other guy,/I think I am wrong.” That is pretty good haiku! See, it is in “5-7-5” and everything!

And finally, I’m too disenchanted to think of a topical political question. Just pretend that I asked you something really witty about foreign policy or the housing crisis or something. Ready? Go.
Uh, yeah. I am down with the issue! There is no gay agenda! We are not indoctrinating children! Homosexuality is not worse than terrorism! It’s fun and awesome!