Mullet Fantasies of Neighborhood Gays

A BUZZFLASH GUEST CONTRIBUTION
by Margaret Cho

BuzzFlash Note: Last week BuzzFlash had the pleasure to see Margaret Cho's new show, Assassin (see full calendar of shows). We've been selling her DVD of Revolution and expected a good show, but it was great. As the Chicago Tribune review of that night's show said, "[Margaret displayed] a more aggressive political bent than in past shows... [and] scorched the right without toning down her naughty nature."

Margaret sent us an excerpt of the show to share with BuzzFlash Readers and an MP3 from the show about her conversation with Howard Stern. Enjoy, and see the show when it comes to your town.

CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

An excerpt from her show:

If you laugh your ass off to Will and Grace but are against same sex marriage, f*ck you. You can't take the benefits of our culture and leave behind the burden of inequaltiy. That's like when white people stole rock and roll from black people in the 50's. 'I love that song but please don't use that drinking fountain.'"

These Christian Family groups are so anti-Christian. They're without compassion, charity and kindness. I want Jesus to come back and say, "That's not what I meant." But they sure are busy. They're always boycotting Harry Potter then going to bomb an abortion clinic. They're so busy. I want to ask them, "Shouldn't you be preparing for the Rapture? Aren't you supposed to be leaving soon?"

It's not that the conservatives hate gays, it's that they know there's a huge family oriented Christian population who do hate gays enough to vote Republican if they can appeal enough to their homophobia. So, they sidle up to these Bible thumping, cousin humping, monster truck enthusiasts and they get them all riled up and send them in to a mullet fantasia about how gays are going to move in to their neighborhoods. As if we would ever live in a trailer park.

During the debates John Kerry called Mary Cheney a Lesbian and the Cheneys got all upset, "He called our daughter a Lesbian." Yeah, so what? It's not like he called her the Rug Doctor or anything. Mary was active in the gay community for awhile but she disappeared when Gay Marriage became a big issue. She was at the Republican Convention but she wasn't allowed to take the stage with the rest of her family. I hear she was back stage where the Secret Service were teaching her how to suck cock. "Here comes the plane, Mary. Open wide, Say Ahhhh, ahhhhh. C'mon, do it for America!"

The community of Rhea County, Tennessee tried to get rid of all the homosexuals. How do you get rid of the homosexuals? Do you tent the county and play Reba McIntyre at earsplitting levels? Don't play Shania, that'll attract 'em." How do you get rid of all the gays? "Well, first you're going to have to close the Abercrombie and Fitch. You can forget about Restoration Hardware. All you're going to have left is Michael's. I hope you enjoy crafts."

I called in to Howard Stern's show. I'm not a big fan of shock jocks. I never understood the appeal of strippers on the radio. Do titties make a sound only straight men and dogs can hear? But, I wanted to support him when he was having all that trouble from the FCC and Clear Channel for talking about Bush. So, we're on the phone looking for common ground and he asked me about strap on dildoes and if I used them with my girlfriends. I told him that I've used them sure, but never with girls, only on straight guys. He didn't want to talk to me anymore.