True Colors headliner Margaret Cho weighs in on her love for Cyndi Lauper, her insider’s ‘View’ of Rosie O’Donnell and how best to punish Paris Hilton

MUTUAL ADMIRATION SOCIETY: Cho says even O’Donnell’s former “View” cohorts give her props for being one of the greatest standup comedians of all time.
Margaret Cho isn’t gay. She just plays one on tour. As if the San Francisco native, who frankly talks about her adoration of gay men, weren’t enough of a queer icon on her own, she’s teamed up with powerhouse acts Cyndi Lauper, Debbie Harry, Erasure and others for the True Colors tour, sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign.

For the Dallas stop on Saturday, the tour also nabbed special guest Rosie O’Donnell, in one of her first public appearances since her abrupt departure following a controversial season as co-host of “The View.”

Cho chatted with Dallas Voice about the tour, her good friend Rosie and her own chances to step into O’Donnell’s seat on the daytime talkfest.

What are you railing about these days? I think it’s funny that Paris Hilton said from prison [going into her best Valley girl voice], “I feel, like, a prisoner!” That’s genius. There’s a Zen to it. She’s amazing with her antics and craziness. But I don’t think she’ll understand what prison means, ever. So I think, from now on, whenever Paris does something wrong, we punish Nicky. If Paris breaks the law? We cut off Nicky’s finger.
I also hate it when people say being gay is an “unhealthy lifestyle.” Have you seen some of these gay guys? They are ripped and muscular — some of them have the lowest body fat I’ve seen. How it that unhealthy?

How did you get recruited for the True Colors tour? I just got asked — Cyndi Lauper asked me. It’s amazing because she’s a fan of mine, which is so bizarre because I have loved her for years. “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” was a turning point in my life because I realized then that I wanted to be rock ‘n’ roll — be independent and get into standup. It was a pretty wild moment when she called.

Did you know Cyndi or anyone else on the tour before you were asked to host? I knew Andy Bell a little bit over the years. He’s been to my shows. He sounds beautiful and looks beautiful. I met Debbie briefly over the years. Debbie Harry’s cool — she’s so sweet. I’ve loved her forever. But I’d never met Cyndi. She has been my favorite person. She lives up to her persona. Cyndi is incredible. She gives so much of herself. She’s one of the greatest performers I’ve ever witnessed.

You’ve proudly described yourself in the past as “queer,” and all of these people on the tour are queer icons — yourself included. What’s it like touring with them? It’s weird being a fan of all these people and then kind of work with them. They are so gentle and generous and kind and personable. When you’re a fan and then develop a friendship it’s interesting because there’s no interruption there. Everyone seems so familiar to me.

How does this kind of tour differ from what you’ve done before? It’s different because with my shows, they are very much about my performance. I do an hour, hour and a half with no one else. But these are basically stadium rock shows with lots and lots of people. They are huge, and I’m also the person that holds it all together, coming between every act and being there for the set changes. I’m there to make sure the audience doesn’t get bored or walk away which is a lot of responsibility.

Is it hard being on tour? I have a Chihuahua about three and a half; I also have a big German shepherd mix — he’s almost 11; then my medium brown girl, an Australian shepherd. And I miss them when I’m on the road. I always think they should have dog prostitutes. You know, you pick them up at the end of the night, pay for them, bring them home and sleep with them. I would love to have a dog — maybe like a French poodle or something exotic like a Borzoi — just for the night. The reality of the business might not be so great. Look at how hard it is on real prostitutes.

You were a guest host on “The View” the morning before your New York concert where Rosie made her debut. What was that like? I love Rosie O’Donnell! She’s my friend. But it was kind of weird telling them about how great Rosie was doing and then them agreeing with me. It was kind of surreal. But they were all in agreement that she’s one of the greatest standup comedians ever, and they know the excitement is great for everybody. But show business is really a small community.

Rosie’s chair is available — any chance you’d be willing to fill it? [My appearance] was kind of like an audition. That job is open, and a lot of people are looking to get it. I love the show and I think I would be great on it. I’m not sure how well I did, but I think I did well.

Any chance you’d like to audition for “The Price Is Right”? [With a laugh] I’m not sure I would like that job.

What’s your impression Rosie’s departure? I think it’s sad because she was so great on “The View.” She was such an important voice. As a fan of the show, it’s really going to be a huge change — I just loved her. I don’t understand what happened. It seems unfortunate.

How was it performing with Rosie the same day as your “View” appearance? It’s all so surreal. I was just talking to her about it — not during my performance, just between us. But Rosie O’Donnell is awesome. She’s so funny and a great performer. It was delightful to see her.

You’re about to do two shows in President Bush’s home state. Do you change your message when you come to a place like Dallas? I don’t know if it’s about changing messages. It’s more about listening to what people are into. I don’t find I need to change anything when I got to places like Dallas or Houston — people have the same feelings there that we all do everywhere in the country. The whole Bush thing: We’re all sort of like in “Bush country.” The issues of gay rights are pretty much the same everywhere. I think the message is coming across. Just having a statement [on the tour] about wanting to erase hatred and discrimination is enough. That’s really important and a big deal. We’ll see the effects of it somewhere. There is something very political about it, like Woodstock was — the sense that we’re changing something. By the way — did the gay guy win [the race for Dallas mayor]?

No, Ed Oakley lost. That’s too bad. That was the big news. He came close, though. And for a conservative city like Dallas, that’s a really big thing. In a way, he has won. Maybe Dallas is not a vague gay vacation spot like Provincetown, but it’s very tolerant — that’s a positive thing, even if you’re not gay.